Novelty

So.  Much.  Stuffs.

My dear followers, I regret to inform you that this is less of a philosophical/emotional rant than a simple update of all that's been going on.  Somewhat uncharacteristic of me, but oh well.

Here goes:

Housing - I HAVE A HOUSE!!! [Okay, not really a house.  But still, somewhere to live!]  Being homeless was draining, but my wonderful extended family let me stay with them for a couple days.  Even so I was so excited to be moving in.  I like the new place and my roommates seem to be jolly good people.
As for Brookview, I've attempted to contact them by phone and email, but they haven't contacted me back...  In addition they have yet to contact me about the fact that I haven't paid them anything nor have I moved in.  Could I possibly just be lucky enough that they decided to leave me alone?

Work - Being at the desk by myself?  Stupendous.  No, I don't have someone else to entertain my or to help me when I don't know something, but I'm an independent worker anyways, so managing the desk on my own gives me the opportunity to manage as I please.  I have a little less hours than before, but with my free time in only taking two classes, I can take on more guest services shifts.

Classes - I get to start into my microbiology major!  Woohoo!  Infection and immunology should be incredibly interesting, and I'm excited to delve into the material.  That being said, it is for sure going to be very difficult.  I'm glad I don't have to worry about more than cell bio and inf&imm because just the two of them are going to be quite a strain on my brain.
In other news I got an A in physics.  CRAZY!

People - James is gone.  Nefi is gone.  Crystal is gone.  Austin has been gone.  Natalie has been gone.  I don't have all that many friends.  I certainly enjoy not having too many people to worry about talking too, but not having any isn't fun either.
BUT!  Tahlia is still here, and my room-roommate (Sam) seems very personable.
Plus Trace Stay is in my inf&imm class.  So I'll be good methinks.


That concludes my update.  Hope you enjoyed it.  Or at least enjoyed wasting time.

Cataclysm

Sometimes it seems like everything is crashing down at once.
To be truthful though, there's always something that isn't falling on your head.
The neat thing about things falling is that there's only so far they can fall.  The resounding crash is horrendous, but the following silence is nice.
Wade it out, and things will get better.
Or at least you will.

Special. Normal.

It's interesting to note that people often flip between wanting to be special and wanting to be normal.
Usually this comes in resistance to being more special/normal than you want to be.

Personal example (rare for me, isn't it?):

I had a talent show to practice for, and my hula-hoop routine requires a lot of space.  Unfortunately, space cannot be found without people in it, so I had to practice outside.   Small guy.  Big hula hoop.  Dancing.
Not exactly the most common occurrence.  Thus I attracted the stares of the passerby coming and going.  I got a couple waves from people I knew, but I had headphones in and was able to justify ignoring them.
My only thought was, "GO AWAY!"  I'm lucky to be nearsighted so I didn't see if the stares were in amazement or derision, but I didn't like the attention nonetheless.  My drive to do well at the show beat out my social paranoia, but even so I still felt the desire to just be normal.  Don't stare at me.  Don't leave me.  I'm understandable.  I'm relatable.  I'm normal, I promise!

On the other hand, this post was sparked by a statistic I fit.   As one thing leads to another x% of people who do la-di-dah do ho-di-ho.   Great.   I'm in the x%.  Just like anyone else in my position.   The threat of being too normal is arguably scarier than the threat of being too special.  If you are too normal, then you are replaceable.  Worth little.  Common.  One could even say that as a cookie cutter human being you lack any innovative ability.  You are simply a product of your environment.


Extremes are nearly always detrimental, and this case is no different.
We don't always get to choose how "special" or "normal" other people feel we are, but maybe in this case it's okay to bite into the sickeningly sweet repetitions drilled into our heads by pastel colors and geese in hats: We get to choose how special or normal we think we are, and that's enough.

Housing

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Why is this housing business such a mess?

First I had to find housing.
Then I signed a contract and paid the deposit (this was back in February), but they changed their schedule so they didn't have sp/su housing.  But they still had my deposit.
So I looked to other housing complexes under the same management so I could transfer the deposit.  Found one I liked.
Then I was going to have a friend stay with me for spring only, so I had to find a spring-only contract.
Luckily, there was one with a different complex owned by the same management.
Contract signed, deposit on it's way to transfer.
Friend decides not to go spring.
Housing complex gets sold to another management company.
Contract signed with place I originally wanted to live at, and attempt to cancel contract with spring-only place.
Old deposit "in process of refunding" - AKA no clue where it is.
New contract needs to be signed by place I like, then I have to pay a deposit to them.

And I'm getting kicked out of my current residence in approximately 15 DAYS.

Gah.


But hey, if money and contracts are my current worries, I'd like to think I'm not doing too badly.

Broken or Lost or Never?

{See?  History does repeat itself.  I'm writing two posts in one day.}


Sometimes I wonder where the best spot is if you can't have something in its full effect.


Is it best to have its resemblance in a broken form?  To acknowledge that what you've got isn't all it's cracked up to be, but at least you've got "it", if only in name?

Is it better to have had it once and have it leave?  So that you can remember how it once was and still believe you could have it again?

Is it best to never have had it at all?  To not understand what it feels like at all, but to live vicariously off of others?

Would one be better off left cynical and wondering if it would be better not to have it at all?

Would one feel best wallowing in the past with the full strength of memory assaulting you?

Would one be better with the ignorant dreams that frustrate the mind and fill the heart with doubt?

Can it be fixed?

Can it return?

Can it be found?

No one can really ever know, because you can only be in one state, and the grass-is-greener principle keeps most people thinking the other two have it lucky.  At any rate, all three options hurt tremendously.

Again

History repeats itself.  We've got millennia of recorded evidence proving that.

It's a strange phenomenon.  The same old song and dance to a new tune in new shoes.  Everything pans out the way it did before, but the notes sound so different that it doesn't seem that way until you look back.

Even so, the only thing that is constant is change, so one could argue that history never repeats itself, as no two circumstances are ever exactly alike.

Yet I find it so tiresome to look in the mirror and find myself repeated forever.  Even worse is to look through the mirror to the future and see the past repeat in a quaint little pattern again, and again, and again.

Again and again.

Progress

Life is not a straight line.
Our reckoning of time makes a continuous function that is arguably differentiable, but it is certainly not a simple equation.


We only live one moment at a time, and in doing so we can sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture.
When you look at the past couple of hours, not much has been happening.
When you look at the past couple of days there's been quite some fluctuation, but an overall positive trend if you look hard enough.
When you look at the past couple of weeks, there's been a resounding crash.
When you look at the past couple of months, things have been alright.
When you look at the past couple of years, things have been getting better.
When you look at my entire life, things have been going nowhere but up.


Don't let the more immediate negative trends make you believe the entire graph looks that way.