Not lonely per se.

I miss so many people. Individuals in multiple places, some of which I'm sure have forgotten I exist.
Even though none of them are here, I don't really feel all that lonely. Luck me, the introvert.
More than missing them, I languish because I don't know if they miss me. Some of them, I think, were never happy to meet me, while others I accidentally let fade, when I shouldn't have.

This group is mostly made up of people I met at EFY. The counselors, my group, and everybody else I ran into. I miss them all.
I miss the cliquey girls that never talked to me because they were legitimately out of my league. To be fair, they intimidated me enough so that I didn't talk to them all too much either.
I miss the stereotypical boys who I didn't talk to too much either. If they didn't know how much I envied them, they never will. Even if they weren't as athletically or otherwise talented as they professed to be, their confidence level along with their charm was enough to win over many girls in the short span of a week.
I miss the girls who weren't so pretty, but were incredibly sweet. They were sometimes obnoxious, sometimes dead silent, sometimes incredibly strange, and sometimes pretty normal. They were all so kind to me though. I appreciate that so much.
I miss the silent guys. The ones who made me want to be psychic, so that I could laugh along with them inside their heads. They were normally the smartest, but rarely let it show.
I miss the people who were odd. I admit, I was never so intrigued or attracted to them during EFY, but I would still be more than happy to talk to them again. They normally had an fantasy obsession with anime or sci-fi, which I had a small knowledge of, but wouldn't mind discussing.
I miss the counselors that guided me as best they could. Even though I miss their support, I want to see them again as friends, equals really, and see that they see me as "grown up".
I miss the campus too. I never plan on attending SVU as a college, but I would love to have hours without anyone else there to explore and enjoy.
I hate seeing these people on facebook from time to time and missing them, while I suppose that they have moved on. Actually, I would feel better knowing that they didn't care anymore. Not knowing is hard.

I miss the people from Once Upon a Mattress. That was a great play with a great cast, and although I always felt jaded with my small part, I'm glad to have everyone we had there. I envy many of them for their amazing talent. Even so, I wouldn't mind just talking to them. I wish I had gotten to know many of them better, like Maggie, Matt M. and Jordan. I'm still amazed at how nice Joe, Matt W. and Ally were to me. I guess I miss them the most, because all three made me feel accepted. I miss Katy Jo. She was an amazing director, and she was so nice and funny too. I would absolutely love to do any play under her direction. I miss Judith and Chris because they are just awesome ladies. I miss Kirstyn a lot, and I wish she would share her funny thoughts more often. I miss Allison even though she is a little overdramatic. So much for hanging out. Too busy? I don't really miss Charlie or Kenny, but they are both very good guys, and I wish them well. The saddest part is that I won't be able to do plays with any of them for atleast three years.

I don't miss anyone from high school though. Nothing personal against them, it's just that public school was very stressful for me. Luckily, I have a bad memory and forgetfulness is already setting in. Soon enough I won't remember almost anything from high school, including the people there. My friends were nice, and in a different context, I wouldn't be averse to re-aquainting, but I don't plan on carrying anyone from high school.
Exception: Jacob. I do miss him and I am sad to leave him. I don't want us to lose contact, but I feel like it is going to happen anyway. And then he will be another facebook friend that I awkwardly glance at if I ever see him.

I miss Natalie. I will luckily see her soon enough, but I miss her all the same. She is a constant best friend full of advice and comfort. College with her is going to rock.

I miss Colin. We were in the age of meanness, and we differed quite a bit, but we were friends. We had a bunch of fights, and I feel like a lot were my fault, and since he hasn't been coming during the summers, I haven't seen him in years. I feel like I should apologize atleast, but I have no clue where he is or what he is doing. I hope he's doing well.

I will miss some church people. Since I see them at a regular frequency, I don't miss them yet, but i might when I go to college.


As a final note that sort of tags on to the loneliness concept, I am very worried about having a roommate. Luckily I know him, which will help with beginning awkwardness. I am used to having my own room with alone time whenever I want it. That's going to change, which could be quite hard. I was excited because from my little knowledge, I thought we were quite similar, but as I'm slowly learning more about him, I find that we are relatively different. I don't want to have to put on a nice face all through the school year, and I'm hoping I won't have to.

Thank you blog, you let me get all of my feeling out without putting them on facebook.
I'm good now.