Boredom

is not healthy.

Especially when the reason you are bored is because there is technically other things you could be doing but don't really have to yet and don't want to.

These are the times I blast music through my headphones and just rock out.

"I Am Glad I've Found You."

We dance: onstage and offstage.
We sing: sometimes for the crowd, sometimes for ourselves.
Sometimes we forget the steps.
Sometimes we forget the words.
Sometimes we forget why we perform at all.


"We could learn a lot together
Even if we're not together.
I am glad I've found you.
The ether lay us out together
I prefer the darker weather
I want my arms around you."

Being Sick

is weird. I keep changing perspectives.

You know that feeling when you catch a smell and you're taken back to the way you felt back when?
It's like that, but all the time.
And each time things look and feel different.

Although, being delirious because you're sick is TONS of fun.

RUCIFEE!

Labs

are evil.
I get anxious and irritable just thinking about them.

Healthy

HONESTLY IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!

I'm just... addicted to healthy food.
It doesn't mean that I can't sneak in some ice cream or dessert, because I still love those, I do. But... I like vegetables and I wish I knew how to make more vegetarian foods. And I've given up chips for chex mix.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

Luckily, I don't have any drive to exercise. Still safe there.

On a side note, this is one of my recent addictive songs:

Impressive

One of the most difficult problems in dealing with people is that you don't know what they think of you. I realize that although it would be wonderful people's thoughts to be known, it would also be cataclysmic, so I'm happy as things are.
There's always the mantra that one shouldn't value oneself on what others think, but what others think of you matters quite a bit. But that's a different argument for a different time. To sum up: I care about what others think about me and I don't plan on giving that up anytime soon. Thus, I want to be impressive.
I don't think I'm too bad at it. I watch myself closely enough most of the time not to do anything too stupid, and I'm kind enough not to get anybody mad at me (I think). I'm blessed with wit and a normal enough face (although not superb handsomeness, much to my chagrin, but you take what you can get) that I can make a nice circle of friends. I even have the advantage of having an odd but skilled talent to flaunt at talent shows.
Still though, I can't help feeling inferior. Especially when Mr. Impressive himself is my roommate. Average height, good smile, funny, brilliant, hard worker, chivalric, built, clean, the works. One of those guys you just can't hate because they're a great person, but you really want to because they're a better person than you are. (Although, I'm not sure he has more than one emotion. It's been weeks and I've never seen him anything but happy.) I know it's petty, but it still stings when your FHE mom is at your apartment and wants him to come home, but doesn't care that you're there. It's not so fun when you and you roommate are at the mall and the girls you home teach know your roommate, but you don't really get introduced. You feel stupid when your roommate is taking a class you already took and probably getting a better grade than you did.
And the worst part is: I don't know if he likes me. I would like to be friends, but I can't tell if he thinks I'm worthwhile. I'm certain he doesn't dislike me (I'm very good at getting people not to dislike me), but I still wish he wanted to be friends with me too. And if he does already, it'd be nice to know that.

On a related side note, my music loves me.
"They Have A Name" by The Chap started playing while I was writing this.
"Heartthrob Heartthrob Heartthrob hits the ladies.
Up the road and way beyond
They have a name
They have a name for boys like him,
Boys like him!"

Title

Why is a mind like a door?
Because it can be shut.
It can be open or closed to new ideas; it can let the owner out, or let the thieves in.
What is tragic that a mind must have more than one door. The mansion of the mind needs to be a labyrinth of walls and doors, to preserve itself while maintaining contact with the outside world. As an owner of one of these mazes, I have found that one of the most heartbreaking activities is remodeling a door. When certain people may no longer be privy to certain information, yet need to feel like they have access to the same entrance.

To be honest, I'm tired of layering and re-layering. I don't want to have to do the work to carefully pick and choose who knows what, and to constantly be wary of words so that they do not reveal more than I intend to.
Alas, I have no choice. I cannot abide an open house.
Enjoy the twists and turns, friends.

Maybe there isn't anything to figure out after all.

Rerereremember.

It's somewhat tragic how easily we forget events and thoughts.
Especially of the feeling category.

Today I remembered:
Why scientists hate philosophers
Why I hated english class

Diagnosis

It's one thing to consider, analyze, and research, but a diagnosis is another thing altogether.
You can look at medical websites galore, comparing listed symptoms and comparing your memories to what shows up, or you can read tons of biographies about people with X condition and match your life to theirs.
But a diagnosis is something different. It's real. You can't make it appear and disappear to fit the circumstance, like you can with personal diagnoses. You can't argue about how serious or trivial it is. It's defined, measured, and sure.
It's no longer just a tendency to complain about when the Me Monster game gets started, it's a serious trial that has to be dealt with.

Which is why I was quite happy when my results came back within the normal range.
Apparently, as long as I'm not eating, I'll be healthy. Ironic.

Final Crash.

I was so very close too.

I wasn't going to miss anyone. The scant occasions where I did something social would be negligible, and the few (but good) friends I made here would fade without complaint. Sadly, my invisibility cloak faded. In these, the final weeks of my freshman year of college, I've had fun.
A small but enjoyable birthday party was thrown for me. People I had never talked to before in my ward greeted me by name. I performed my act on stage (without messing up, much to my delight) and received so many kind compliments. I exhausted myself on giant trampolines. I climbed a rock wall and fell off. Intentionally. Three times. I was invited to another guy's apartment, watched Taledega Nights, and spent the night there. I watched Humor U with my FHE sister and serendipitously met up with my biological one and her boyfriend. I've been eating actual food. My sleeping routine has been shattered. I wasn't supposed to miss anyone, but now I will.

Exercise.

If I was always preparing for a talent show, I might be able to keep myself fit.
I might also be perpetually sick with a cold.

Those Delectable Buttons.

"Hold on, something feels delicious here. A button."

A lovely quote, in my opinion.
An article worth reading too.
I know I check Blogger thirty times a day just to see if I received any new comments.

You know you really want to click on that oh-so-tasty hyperlink.

The Recipe to Human Reboot

1. Intake large amounts of sugar
2. Crash
3. Sleep
4. Wake

Ah, girls.

Some things are just attractive.
Some things just aren't.

Water Fountains

I find it funny that people will not stoop to drink from the water fountain that is slightly lower in height.
Do they feel like it makes them somehow subservient to whomever drinks form the higher one?
Or is it too much of a strain on their back to bend over a little more for a few seconds while they quench their thirst?
Personally, I have no problem drinking from sinks, which is a much more awkward position and certainly more demeaning.
It's water people. Free water.
Don't just stand there behind me if theres a fountain right next to me.
Silly personas.

Thou Shalt Burn

That's an overstatement. All the same my Book of Mormon teacher has not started off well in my book.
He lectures and forces us to memorize his own bias, and learn the material in the way he thinks is most effective, which I disagree with. He emphasizes things that I consider trivial.
He is forcing us to commune with others in our study, in addition to studying outside information (basically his handpicked materials, whether or not they are specifically religious)
His job is to teach the material and the MATERIAL. ONLY.
How we study should be up to us, whether we use others as a resource should be our choice, using other texts should be optional. I appreciate outside personal input, but I can not approve testing us on his personal opinions and materials outside of the course he is teaching.

Yet, I must grin and bear it. I feel like I'm going to be tempted to underlay my assignments with satire... which isn't good for a religion class, but when it is demanded for survival, what must be done must be done.


Edit: I read through the learning outcomes. 6 (of 7) says: "Know the major characters and events including their historical context within the Book of Mormon."
That is the only goal I deem as an appropriate one for a graded college course.

Edit 2: Let it be known that February 14th of 2011 A.D. was not a good day for this professor.
No, I will not be your friend on facebook. I intentionally rejected your request.
That's fine that you see benefit in having us work together, but it is rather distressing for me. Don't. Make. Me. Do. It.
If you insist on strengthening our testimony as opposed to teaching what you are paid to teach, at least stick to doctrine. DO NOT FORCE US TO ACCEPT YOUR OPINIONS.
Lastly, "Guess the exact answer I'm looking for" is not a fun game to play. Stop starting it.