It doesn't make me feel any better, but at least I have much more protection against human contact.
I do like human contact. I love to hear people's stories. I would be very happy to assist people however I can. I really really really love cuddling. (But of course, touch-sensitive society + socially paranoid me = no touchy unless I'm assure you're 100% okay with it.) But if I'm out of sorts, stay away. I know you want to help, but honestly no one really knows how to help me, and by talking to me it's likely you're only going to make me feel worse and I'm only going to worry you.
Is ignoring you rude? Yes. Am I sorry for doing so? Yes. But I feel like it'd only be worse if I tried to carry on a conversation with my head down.
Honestly? I'm tired of being a wreck that no one knows how to fix.
I wish there was some magical something that would untwist my soul and heal my head so that I can just be [relatively] normal.
As it stands, the best I can do is try to survive and hurt as few people as possible.
The closer you get, the more I'm driven to leave. "'Cause I know that you try, but you need someone to be someone better than me in your life."
Honestly? I'm tired of being a wreck that no one knows how to fix.
I wish there was some magical something that would untwist my soul and heal my head so that I can just be [relatively] normal.
As it stands, the best I can do is try to survive and hurt as few people as possible.
The closer you get, the more I'm driven to leave. "'Cause I know that you try, but you need someone to be someone better than me in your life."
I love that you express things that I believe many people feel - that for them they can not either put into words or they do not really want to admit.
ReplyDeleteYou not only have smarts intellectually - you feel things deeply and can articulate well from many different sides.
What you are experiencing - as you continue with the journey - you will find is for good and will help you understand others, yourself and the world around you.