Do you ever have those days where you run into everybody? You find ten different people that you never see within a half-hour, and they all seem happy to reconnect for a bit. A very strange occurrence.
It makes me wonder, why now? Why, at this random time, are all these people here for me? Where were they, any one of them, when I needed them most? Why don't they serendipitously find me when I'm lonely and unhappy?
Those times that I cried for someone, anyone, to come help. That the spirit could prompt someone to worry about me. That fate would have my friend accidentally dial my number. That chance would bring my roommate home early.
Maybe it's because my broiling pit of despair should be kept away from everyone else. That in those times anyone who tries to help would only get hurt. Maybe it's because it's supposed to be a trial I face alone. Maybe there isn't really a reason. How often are there reasons for things NOT happening anyways?
In considering these times, my resolve falters. The current plan is to live alone, with a cat. I'd have some small company, and complete control over my living space. I could still live in suburbia, and play with the neighborhood kids. I could have a nice job, and family could visit. I'd have lots of time for things I enjoy, like video games. I'd have no immediate family to worry about. I could always retreat to my solitude when needed. But... when I get sad... it would be nice to have someone around. Someone who was going to stick with me, even though I'm a mess. Someone who needs me too. Someone to live a life with.
And then the thoughts about how that might come about. That I'd happen to run into someone special somewhere. Eventually. Somehow. Potentially. If... And with hope the bright end of an angler fish, I swim back to the safety of a bachelor's life.
It's time for sleep. Back to my single bed.
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