Split Decision

Conference has a way of bringing about emotions and deep reflection.  Thus: blog posts.  Deal with it.

People all over the world have tragedies to deal with.  Death.  Powerlessness.  Pain both physical and mental. I have been lucky.  I've never been in want of physical necessities; very few of those near me have perished, and those that have were already in decline; my independence has only increased at each stage of life I have encountered.  My "tragedy", if it can even be called that, is a simple decision between metaphysical factions.  Unfortunately, this is apparently not an easy choice to make.  So troublesome, in fact, that I have avoided making it my entire life.  The reason being: one pleads for happiness, the other pleads for what is right.

These two concepts are often pitted against each other when discussing philosophy, and for good reason.  Can something be right if it doesn't bring happiness?  Are things happy because they are right? The relationship between these two (if indeed one exists) is heavily debated, and no certain proof has come about.  In myself, both sides assert their own main quality, and assume the other comes as a result.  Indeed, if one is assumed to be correct, the other is manifestly false.  Outside of the two, no argument surfaces to discredit either, and I would venture to say that I've put a lot of effort into rationally proving and disproving both of them.

As logic has failed, decision making often falls to a matter of practicality.  Yet again, the factions prove equal.  As I believe, there are literally only two things that motivate people to do anything.  You guessed it, these factions each claim one.
In one, I've found truth.  The world as time moves it is explained.  Absolutely everything makes sense.  When doubts or questions arise, the method of searching for an answer is straightforward and assured.  The framework provided gives a sure foundation for everything else in life.
In the other, I've found joy.  Positive emotions I felt nowhere else arise and fill my soul.  The misery and despair that threatens to destroy is vanquished instantaneously. Hope is never far.  Life is a marvelous thing.  Life is worth living.
Either would make a more than suitable choice.  Losing either would be a great detriment.  And I am punished for my indecision.  Sometimes they are both brought before me in great force, and as I do not choose either, I lose the promise of both.  I suffer in illogical agony.

Next, why not consider the detriments, and take the side with less?  Again, I hit a snag.  I fear both.
In searching for truth, I will find falsehood.  I must correct it and move on.  The learning process is eternal, and thus I will never have all knowledge.  Instead I have the promise of never being left wanting, for there is always more I can be taught.  And the greatest fear is that it is all wrong.  That my search for truth will lead me further into darkness.
In searching for happiness, I will find sorrow.  No matter the circumstances, bad things will happen, and I cannot stop or mitigate them.  This, too, is a continual process.  Always working to gain more happiness, and to share it with others.  To work through all the problems we have time for, growing after each one.  And the greatest fear is that it's all hollow.  That my search for happiness will leave me in despair.

Hmm.  Maybe someone else has figured it out!  Why don't you look at what others say, and see if anythings has been established?  Many people have figured it out, with or without the struggle itself.  Their results and conclusions have all been established.  It's all crystal clear, except for the fact that the results don't agree.  Both decisions are hard.  Got it.  The right decision... depends on who you ask.  There is no lack of vehement arguments for whichever side you choose.  In that I can be comforted.

I am torn.  My eternal fight makes me weary.  And when one side rushes in to claim me in my weakness, the other serendipitously presents its gifts and promises.  In the rift between these two the failure faction was born.  It has no arguments.  Everyone is against it.  It doesn't promise anything.  Actually, it only promises one thing: an end.  The end that erases everything.  No hope, no despair.  No joy, no pain.  No truth, no wrong.  In the throes of ongoing turmoil, it is quite a good looking escape.  Luckily, the minutiae of continued existence often distract my mind from the hole in my chest, and the battles subside for a spell.
But without fail, they return again to rend my heart.