Irrationality and Inevitabilities

Everyone has their things.  The things that, for whatever reason, are far scarier for you than they seem to be for everyone else.  Diverse methods can be prescribed to soften the stimulus, but in most cases, the anxiety is annoying but not crippling enough that they seek help.

As time rolls on, the changes of life come to us all.  From watching our elders, we can find out approximately the life we will be existing in years from now.  We delight in the pleasantries and fear for the problems.  Unfortunately, neither emotion can change the rate nor inevitability of the coming future.

For me, one is a rock and the other the hard place.  I have an irrational distaste of exercise.  I'm uncomfortable just watching people exercise, so you can imagine how difficult it is to exercise myself. At the same time, I fear for both my health and my appearance.  I want to be attractive, and for a male, the standard attractiveness includes visible muscles.  I realize that there are different preferences and that I shouldn't worry about what other people think, but I'd like to look better, if only just to be happier to see myself in the mirror. Additionally, being healthy would be wonderful.  Unfortunately, I can't get myself to pay for healthier food nor take the time to cook it.  Add my poor diet on to my resistance of exercise, and it's surprising that I'm not worse off than I am currently.  By my observations, being healthy will only become more difficult the older I get.  If I can't maintain proper balance now, what chance do I have of health when I am older?

I've had many a daydream of finding someone to help me.  Someone that would for whatever reason say, "Hey, I want to help you become more healthy."  Of course, I probably underestimate my own resistance and negativity should that situation occur.  I've had excursions of exercise both by myself and with friends.  Neither endeavor ended too poorly, but neither kept up all that well either.

This is one of those moments I want a house all to myself.
I could have a little exercise room, and no one would need to know how frequently (or infrequently) I used it.  I could have a nice kitchen that would adhere to my own standards of cleanliness, and I could make food without anyone else there whenever I felt like it.  I could have multiple floors so that I could bound up and down the stairs all day.  I could have a space to live fully uninhibited by concerns for inconveniencing others.
Soon enough, I hope, a house of my own will be an inevitability.